Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Enjoy the penises
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
