i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
