well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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