Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
