Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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