we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
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Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
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Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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