C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
