My first STD was from a foam party
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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