Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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