New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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