I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
