i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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