i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
