Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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