grandma shit on top of the toilet
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
