you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
