I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
