So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
