Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
