this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
