Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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