Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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