i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
