I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
