dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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