apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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