Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
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You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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