I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
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The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
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So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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