I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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