Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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