I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
