so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
