My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
