with your own penis?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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