my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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