just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
