Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
