yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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