I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
