No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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