Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
