Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
