my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
