I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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