i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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