I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh god it's open bar.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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