I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
