Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
