She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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