I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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