i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
