Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
