We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
