Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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