Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
