Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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