My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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