porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
