I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
