when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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