No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
