i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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