Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
