wat bout pragnant strippers??
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
and she was petting her beer can
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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