Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
