I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
