Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
