I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
