i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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