I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
