I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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