Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
