I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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