You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
