I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
