What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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