I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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