Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
