You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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