oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
