Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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